Rule Number Twenty-One (Formerly Rule Number Sixty-Two)

When a you ask a Chopper Pilot a question and they respond "The problem was solved," that means they do not want you to ask any follow-up questions.

Rule Number Twenty

Chopper Pilot's don't get their cars "detailed", they get them washed at high school sports team fundraisers.

Rule Number Nineteen

Chopper Pilots don't use paper clips, they staple.

Rule Number Eighteen

Chopper Pilots don't smoke cigars, they have too much respect for Hovercraft and Tugboat captains.

Chopper Pilot Gift Guide For Mom

Mother's Day - Take her out to Dinner
Birthday: Flower at Work
Christmas: Jewelry

Sworn Chopper Pilot Enemy 5

Clerks at Barnes and Noble who don't know how to spell Thoreau

People Chopper Pilots Can Trust 2

Industrial Engineering Professors

People Chopper Pilots Can Trust 1

Cute Checkout Clerks at Super Markets

Rule Number Seventeen

Chopper Pilots don't buy variety packs.

Rule Number Sixteen

Deleted for Security Purposes

Rule Number Fifteen

Yes there are Women Chopper Pilots, don't ever ask that question again, unless you like getting trampled by Zebras.

Rule Number Fourteen

When a Chopper Pilot gets in the Cab he rides shotgun, unless he's with a lady and then he rides behind shotgun.

Sworn Chopper Pilot Enemy 4

Astronauts (So smug because they were able to eat apples sauce in zero gravity)

Rule Number Thirteen

When a Chopper Pilot thinks about his father, if he ever knew his father, one thing that sticks out is that his father did not life answering machines. He wouldn't own one and he definitely wouldn't leave a message on one.

Sworn Chopper Pilot Enemy 3

People who disrespect Zebras

Rule Number Twelve

If given the choice a Chopper Pilot always chooses graph paper.

Sworn Chopper Pilot Enemy 2

Slave owners

Sworn Chopper Pilot Enemy 1

People who experiment with Jetpacks

Rule Number Eleven

If you are ever watching a game show and you think one of the contestants is a Chopper Pilot, but when it is time for the host to find out a little bit about they say "I am a trade show promoter from Toronto" it is because they have legitimate reasons to not disclose their Chopper Pilot status.

Rule Number Ten

When a Chopper Pilot looks at a giraffe, the first thing he thinks is, "Will it take me more than five minutes to beat this long-necked freak up?"

Rule Number Nine

If you ask a person who is stepping out of the cockpit of a helicopter what their favorite color is and they laugh in your face, you are talking to Chopper Pilot.

Rule Number Eight

Chopper Pilots oppose slavery

Rule Number Seven

When a Chopper Pilot opens the packaging of a new tent, the first thing they do is throw out the instructions.

Rule Number Six

If the cheese. on your ham sandwich. a sixth grader couldn't spell, you are not a Chopper Pilot.

Rule Number Five

If you have ever owned, after the age of 14, a Mickey Mouse tie, you are not a Chopper Pilot

Rule Number Four

Chopper Pilots take naps in hammocks.

Rule Number Three

Chopper Pilots don't eat fruit salad with grapefruit in it.

Rule Number Two

Chopper Pilots drink their iced tea unsweetened.